There are times that I look at my obligations in life as a mother and a teacher and a wife and wish that for just a moment I could take a break from them. Don't get me wrong... I LOVE my children and my husband and I couldn't ask for a better job. Everyday I am thankful for these things in my life. But then an opportunity missed makes me a little bit sad. An opportunity that I wouldn't miss if I didn't have obligations. I have been struggling some with this as I will be missing an opportunity to spend some girl time with a great group of friends. However, Eli is not yet weaned, not even close, and the trip is while school is in session and Aaron is teaching too so he wouldn't be able to care for the other two kids anyway. I am glad for my friends, and I know some of them will be reading this. I want them to have their time together, but I have been struggling a bit that I won't be part of it. I want to go, but I know I can't. It is hard to not get something you really want. Do I need it? No. But I really, really want it. Does my family need me right now. Yes. Needs outweigh the wants.
So as I biked today I turned to my verse of the day. I try to meditate and memorize a verse each day as I bike. Today is was Romans 15:13. "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him. that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." The words joy and peace as I trust in Him resonate with me today. May God fill me with joy in all circumstances... even when I want to pout because I can't have my way. May God give me peace even when I struggle. The key to all of this... as I trust in Him, the God of hope. Then I will overflow with hope, and not be concerned about anything because of the hope that God has placed within me. The greatest desire of my heart has always been for my family, to love them and raise my children in a loving and Godly way that they may also know the God of all hope. In this season of my life that means that I can't go where I want to go because my youngest child still needs me in a very real and physical way. But, I have hope that someday I will get that much wanted time with my friends... when this season is past.
We are going to miss you. I wish we could all be together too. I understand how you feel, the pull, the love for the family and the gratitude to God for all things, but the small war in your soul for wanting what you want. I experienced that this past year with having to stop going to school. The way my life is, I could only do one well, let's try to talk on the phone soon. love ya girl.
ReplyDeleteA constant prayer of mine. I have to ask God to give me what I need, not what I want. And when those don't match up, it takes some prayerful moments to come to peace. Glad to know I'm not alone! You're a great mom and a great friend. Hopefully another great opportunity comes to you soon!
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