I went back to work today... I didn't really work. I did have a meeting with my sub for maternity leave to get caught up on things. I did a tiny bit of organizing, but mostly I spent time with Eli and our babysitter. I think she will do a great job of caring for Eli, but it is hard to watch someone else try and figure out how to meet the needs of your baby. I know she will learn his cues and do just fine, but no one can take care of a baby like Mommy can. I am so glad I only work part time. I COULD NOT be away all day. I wouldn't do it. 3 hours a day seems like too much right now! Eli is my only baby that I did not stay home full time with. Isaac was 16 months when I began teaching and Hannah was 3. So this will be new for me.
I had a conversation with a good friend about the reality of having no more children. She too is struggling with this. As Eli grows and changes the reality that he is my last hits hard. My friend's youngest starts Kindergarten next year. That will be a tough moment for me too.
So today was a day of changes and reality. I'm doing fine, no tears, just worries. I come from a long line of worriers. Tomorrow will be the same. Now that I think about it, everyday as a parent is much like this... full of change and a sense of reality... and a day full of worries about your children. At times like this, I rest in knowing the God is control of my life and the lives of my children. It does not good to worry about any of it. God has given Aaron and I our children and will give us the strength and ability to deal with the changes and realities of daily life with them. I praise God for the beauty of Hannah, Isaac and Eli. God is SOOOO good!
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