Getting it Together

It's time to be honest.  I have had a rough fall.  I know most of it is hormonal and I am now pretty sure that I have been struggling with Postpartum Stress Syndrome.  It all kind of started when we moved, school started up, and Aaron became the commuter.  I knew it wasn't Postpartum Depression, because I am not depressed.  I am functioning very well but I have this feeling on inadequacy and a sense that I can't seem to accomplish anything.  In reality, that isn't true.  I accomplish a lot, but I have at times not seen this very well.  After doing some research about it and finding out that Postpartum Stress Syndrome exists (I had no idea) I have felt empowered to make some changes that have really helped me in this struggle.  Hannah and Isaac are old enough to do some more helping around the house, so I made chore charts with them.  This will ease my housekeeping load, and it really is good for them to contribute.  I have found they are cleaning up better after their play, because they don't want to have to take care of it when it is one of their chores.  They also don't have chores on Sunday as we endeavor to teach them about the Sabbath and they get a small allowance.  They will be tithing from their allowance and also learning how to save a percentage of their allowance.  I feel really good about this.  Hannah especially has taken to it and is so far quite excited about it.  I am also working at creating a schedule for my time, inputting the things that I need to get done and a time to do them.  I know this will have to be flexible, but it will help me feel like I have my thoughts organized and a plan.  Yes... I am a planner.  I am good at planning and organizing.  It is time to put that planning to good use for myself.

I have not shared my struggles with many.  Just my dear friend Ann and my husband... and this wasn't until recently.  While I am not a perfectionist, I have always felt like I need to be the strong one, whatever that means.  I have a strong husband, strong friends, and more importantly a STRONG God.  I have felt like sharing my sense of struggle would somehow make me weak.  I have changed my thinking.  Sharing my struggle doesn't make me weak or strong, it just makes me human.  It make me part of community.  I try to be there for people when they are struggling, I know they would support me in the same ways.  I have nothing to fear because I am safe in the arms of my loving God and the loving people he surrounds me with.

Having children is not an easy thing.  I LOVE my children more than anything.  Growing babies was not easy for me, many of you know my pregnancies were very hard.  This being my last baby has thrown me a few curve balls, partly because it is my last baby and that is a hard reality for me to accept.  I know my hormones are still out of alignment because I am always hot.  I mean burning hot.  I sleep with just a sheet when my husband needs 3 blankets.  I find myself wearing tank tops around the house when everyone else needs sweaters.  So it shouldn't surprised me that other things are slightly out of alignment too.

While I feel like things are on the upswing, that I have started to find tools that are helping me get back to a more normal me, I am still going to make an appointment with my Doctor.  Maybe some blood work will help narrow down what is off balance.  I thank you for your prayers.  I'll let you know how it all goes!